This wonderful post from LJ user pnkrokhockeymom articulates with clarity and passion exactly why responding to feminist critique of patriarchy by reassuring the writers that there are nice guys out there can be so very infuriating.
The thing is, it goes so far beyond any one man’s actions, good or bad. These really nice guys always show up–they’re well meaning but they don’t understand– they say, ‘But some of us are nice,’ as if our reactions and internalized confusions are the result of irritating behavior by individual assholes, rather than institutionalized sexism we bear from all fronts simultaneously. The frustrating thing I always feel, and always want to say, is DUDE: FEMINISM IS NOT ABOUT MEN. This is not about you, individually. This is about a culture that treats me as a breeding machine whose sexuality and sexual activity is to be controlled, through any means necessary. No prince charming in feminist clothing (and believe me, I know they’re out there, I’ve loved them, I’ve fucked them, and I hope to find more of them in the future), simply by saying ‘Well, I like it that you are a sexual being, and I love you and respect you not despite it but for it and apart from it simultaneously,’ can negate the impact of a lifetime as a member of the sex class.
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