Summer Q&A Part 2: Infrequently Asked Questions

More questions from you! Answered by me!
Benel R. Germosen asks:Best fight sequence ever rendered in comics…ever?
Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. All of it.
hippokrene asks: What was the first comic you fell in love with?
According to my parents, I used to make them sit and explain Kliban cartoons to me when I was one or two, so I guess those, followed fairly closely by Nicole Hollander’s Sylvia, Mark Marek’s Hercules Among the North Americans, and Tintin in Tibet. I had a gloriously weird childhood.
Who is your favorite female action movie heroine?
It’s a toss-up between the two main characters of Outrageous Fortune, the Bride from Kill Bill, and Yu Shu Lien from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I seriously think Michelle Yeoh is going to revolutionize the roles of older women in action movies over the next few decades.

What is the best flavor of ice cream?
Baskin-Robbins’s Gold Medal Ribbon.
I don’t know if you’ve read The Hollows novels, but if you have, what do you think of Ivy Tamwood as a portrayal of bisexual women?
I think I’d have a stronger opinion on the topic if I’d read the novels.
In a visual medium like comics, can a character be ‘feminist’ even if she’s continuously dressed in spandex thongs and contorted into spine-breaking sexual poses, or will the art always undermine other aspects of the character?
If that portrayal is clearly tongue-in-cheek, sure. The art will always trump the rest of the character’s portrayal for some readers, but considering how many people make social judgments based on appearance, that’ll be a problem no matter how a given character is drawn.
And I think most readers will realize that portrayals like the one you’re describing say a lot more about the artists than they do about the characters.
Urbane Zombie asks: Do you ever privately imagine One Fish Two Fish being recited in the deep, sonorous voice of James Earl Jones?
I sure as hell do now.
If you had to take care of someone else’s big, smelly, drooling dog for a week, what would be the absolute worst comic-style superpower for that dog to have?
I’ve thought through the more obvious awful superpowers, but all those seem like cheating, so I’m gonna go with the power to drool on things from a distance. That would be really damn creepy.
Let’s say you inadvertently killed the Scorpion King and found yourself the absolute commander of thousands of big, musclebound, jackal-headed spearmen in little gold lamé skirts. What would you order them to do?
Moonwalk! And then I’d probably be wracked with guilt and have them go volunteer for community garden projects or something.
Do you think that pies can be used to express respect as well as ridicule?
Absolutelyin fact, I use most pies I make to express respect, affection, and the fact that blackberries are in season. Which I respect.
Does having children of elementary school age telling someone not to use drugs decrease that person’s level of drug use?
My partner’s stepfather quit cigarettes for almost twenty years after his six-year-old stepson burst into tears and told him he was afraid it would kill him, so I’ll guess yes.
Are there any decent names for a dark-costumed character who fights crime when it is night-time, that haven’t been used yet?
Yes. They’re stockpiled in a warehouse in Queens, along with mint copies of the Shade miniseries. AND SOMEDAY, THEY WILL ALL BE MINE.
Is Order really Good? Is Chaos Really Evil?
Only about a third of the time.
If you could only have one minion, but they could be any kind of minion you wanted, what would they be like? (They need not be a previously existing minion.)
Definitely Warren Ellis. I can’t imagine anything cooler than being able to say that Warren Ellis was my minion. I’d take him to parties and go ‘Hi, I’m Rachel. And this is my minion, Warren Ellis. That’s right. Warren Ellis. Who is my minion.’ And then I’d probably make him play scrabble with me, because I’m really a terribly dull person.
Giant spider… or giant centipede?
I don’t care, as long as I can ride it to work.
Of all female comic book characters, who do you think best exemplifies the middle ground between useless passivity and openly sadistic ultraviolence?
I can think of a lot, actually, but if I only get one, I’ll say Kate Corrigan. She’s freakin’ awesome.
Of all male comic book characters, who do you think best exemplifies the middle ground between useless passivity and openly sadistic ultraviolence?
Again, I can name more than I can count on fingers and toes, but let’s go with Jack Knight, my all-time-favorite super guy. I would definitely party with him, even though I suspect he’d talk a lot about art deco furniture if he got drunk.
If you had to make a feature-length live-acted summer blockbuster action movie remake of Dr. Snuggles, what acting-type-person would you cast in the title role? (Note: Sir Peter Ustinov is unavailable.)
He already looks an awful lot like Sir Ian Holm.
If you were making gender-swapped James Bond movies, what would be three good names for the boy versions of the Bond Girls?
Rock Hard, Jack Hammer, and Penis Penis Penis. Oh, yeah. I went there.
If you could distill secular morality into a sort of glowing green liquid, what would happen when you splashed it on people?
Revolution, baby!
If you really want to, you can discuss this column (or ask more questions) here.